Separation Anxiety Around School Drop-Off
We hold no study of everyday worry at drop-off that falls short of a disorder. We cannot tell you whether your child has an anxiety disorder. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional. Trials of professional care in diagnosed anxiety disorders suggest there is help to ask about.
TL;DR
- We hold no study of everyday worry at drop-off that falls short of a disorder. This page does not cover a child who will not go to school. We hold no research on that. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.
- A 2020 review pooled 87 trials of a talking therapy for anxiety (James and colleagues, 2020). Every child in them had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The authors say the therapy probably helped more than a waiting list, in the short term. They found little or no sign that it beat usual care or other approaches.
- Keep the goodbye short, and the same each day. Tell the teacher what you see. Keep your own voice calm. These steps are our own practice, not a tested method.
The short answer
We hold no study of everyday worry at drop-off that falls short of a disorder. We cannot tell you whether your child has an anxiety disorder. In our title, "separation anxiety" means everyday worry about leaving a parent. We do not use it as a diagnosis.
This page does not cover a child who will not go to school. We hold no research on that. Complete avoidance of school is a reason to ask for help on its own.
Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.
What the CDC describes
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is a US government health agency. The CDC describes when a child may be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. One case is so many fears and worries that they "interfere with school, home, or play activities." It points to your child's doctor or a mental-health specialist for an evaluation. We cannot tell you whether your child has an anxiety disorder.
The CDC lists separation anxiety disorder among the anxiety disorders it describes in children.
What trials of diagnosed anxiety found
A 2020 review pooled 87 trials of a talking therapy for anxiety (James and colleagues, 2020). Every child in them had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The authors say the therapy probably helped more than a waiting list, in the short term. They found little or no sign that it beat usual care or other approaches.
One trial compared two approaches for 124 children diagnosed with an anxiety disorder (Lebowitz and colleagues, 2020). In one, therapists worked only with the parents. Parents learned to change the ways a family bends its routines around a child's worry. In the other, the child had a talking therapy. The parent-only approach did no worse. Therapists ran both. It is not a program for parents to run alone. We read only summaries of the studies above.
The trials above suggest there is help to ask about. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.
Nothing in the studies on this page tests Learning Success.
Our steps at drop-off
- Keep the goodbye short, and the same each day.
- Tell the teacher what you see.
- Keep your own voice calm.
These steps are our own practice, not a tested method. In our view, these steps do not replace care when worry is strong or lasting.
When to ask for help
Some children could do something and now cannot. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.
If no skill has gone, start with the teacher. Say what you are seeing at home, and what you have tried. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.
Any talk of hurting themselves is a same-day call to your doctor or a crisis line.
What to use next
Common questions from parents
Is crying at drop-off a sign of an anxiety disorder?
We hold no study of everyday worry at drop-off that falls short of a disorder. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is a US government health agency. The CDC describes when a child may be diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. One case is so many fears and worries that they "interfere with school, home, or play activities." It points to your child's doctor or a mental-health specialist for an evaluation. We cannot tell you whether your child has an anxiety disorder.
What can I do at drop-off?
We hold no study of everyday worry at drop-off that falls short of a disorder. Keep the goodbye short, and the same each day. Tell the teacher what you see. Keep your own voice calm. These steps are our own practice, not a tested method. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.
What help is there when worry about leaving a parent is strong?
A 2020 review pooled 87 trials of a talking therapy for anxiety (James and colleagues, 2020). Every child in them had been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. The authors say the therapy probably helped more than a waiting list, in the short term. They found little or no sign that it beat usual care or other approaches. Another trial was in diagnosed children (Lebowitz and colleagues, 2020). Therapists working only with the parents did no worse than a talking therapy for the child. It is not a program for parents to run alone. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.
My child dreads Sunday night and gets stomach aches on school mornings. What should I do?
In our view, stomach aches that keep coming back go to your child's doctor first. Tell the doctor when they start, and when they ease. We hold no study of dread on Sunday nights. We hold no study of everyday worry on school mornings that falls short of a disorder. We cannot tell you whether your child has an anxiety disorder. Tell the teacher what you see. Keep the goodbye short, and the same each day. These steps are our own practice, not a tested method. Strong or lasting worry is a reason to talk with your child's doctor or a mental-health professional.