He Asks for Help Before He’s Even Tried: What That Pattern Is Really About

Are you tired of watching your child struggle with learning, only to be met with frustration and tears when they ask for help? You’re not alone. Many parents are told that their child is being lazy or lacks confidence, but the truth is, there’s often a deeper issue at play. The common advice to “just try harder” or “be more independent” ignores the complex interplay of executive function, processing gaps, and past experiences of failure that contribute to a child’s behavior. It’s time to stop blaming our children for their struggles and start looking for real solutions.

We’ve all been there – feeling helpless and frustrated as we watch our child struggle to read, write, or do math. We’ve tried everything: tutoring, apps, rewards, and punishments, but nothing seems to work. It’s like we’re speaking different languages, and the more we push, the more they resist. But what if we’re looking at it all wrong? What if our child’s struggles aren’t about being lazy or stupid, but about shame-avoidance and self-protection? It’s time to challenge the conventional wisdom and explore the psychological and neurological reasons behind our child’s behavior.

In this article, we’ll delve into the science-backed truth about learning struggles and explore the ways in which our current approach is failing our children. We’ll discuss the importance of neuroplasticity, the impact of deficit language, and the need for a more nuanced understanding of learning differences. By the end of this article, you’ll have a deeper understanding of your child’s struggles and the tools you need to support them in a more effective and compassionate way.

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Every child has the potential to thrive and succeed, but it’s our responsibility as educators and parents to provide the right support and guidance to help them overcome their unique challenges.

“– Laura Lurns

Understanding the Root Cause of Learning Struggles

When a child asks for help before even trying, it’s often a sign of a deeper issue. The common advice given to parents is to encourage their child to try on their own first, but this approach ignores the complex interplay of executive function, processing gaps, and past experiences of failure that contribute to a child’s behavior. At Learning Success, we believe that this behavior is not about laziness or dependency, but about shame-avoidance and self-protection.

The Importance of Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself in response to new experiences. When a child struggles with learning, it’s not because they are “broken” or “deficient,” but because their brain is still developing and needs targeted practice to build new neural pathways. Our approach focuses on building the underlying processing skills that support all learning, rather than just treating surface-level symptoms.

Addressing the Emotional Foundation

A child who believes they are “stupid” or “not good enough” cannot take in new learning. It’s essential to address the emotional foundation and repair the child’s self-esteem as a prerequisite to academic skill-building. By using growth-oriented language and focusing on effort-based praise, we can help children develop a positive self-image and build resilience.

For example, instead of saying “you’re so smart,” say “you worked really hard on that, and it paid off!” This subtle shift in language can help children develop a growth mindset and understand that their abilities can be developed through effort and practice.

Transforming Deficit Language

Deficit language, such as “struggling reader” or “learning disabled,” can be damaging to a child’s self-esteem and create a fixed mindset. Instead, we use language that focuses on building and developing skills, such as “building reading foundations” or “learning differently.” This approach helps children understand that their brains are capable of change and that they can develop new skills with practice and effort.

By transforming deficit language and embracing neuroplasticity, we can help children develop a more positive and resilient mindset. This, in turn, can help them overcome learning struggles and achieve their full potential. Learn more about our approach and how we can help your child develop the skills and confidence they need to succeed.

Practical Strategies for Parents

So, what can parents do to help their child overcome learning struggles? Here are a few practical strategies:

• Use growth-oriented language and focus on effort-based praise
• Help your child develop a growth mindset by emphasizing that abilities can be developed through effort and practice
• Provide opportunities for your child to practice and build new skills, such as reading, writing, or math
• Use visual strategies, such as mind maps or diagrams, to help your child organize and retain information
• Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable chunks, and provide feedback and encouragement along the way

By using these strategies and embracing neuroplasticity, parents can help their child develop the skills and confidence they need to overcome learning struggles and achieve their full potential. Learn more about neuroplasticity and how it can help your child succeed.

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By focusing on effort-based praise and growth-oriented language, we can help children develop a growth mindset and understand that their abilities can be developed through effort and practice, leading to a more positive and resilient approach to learning.

“– Laura Lurns

Conclusion

In conclusion, when a child asks for help before even trying, it’s often a sign of a deeper issue. By addressing the emotional foundation, transforming deficit language, and embracing neuroplasticity, we can help children develop the skills and confidence they need to overcome learning struggles. Join our community today and start helping your child achieve their full potential.