"My Child Can't Follow Directions"
A child who does not follow directions is not always refusing. Some lose the second half of an instruction while doing the first. Some lose your voice in a busy room. Some do not hear the instruction clearly. No sign we hold has been shown to tell these apart. Have hearing and vision checked. Give one step at a time.
TL;DR
- A child who does not follow directions is not always refusing. Some lose the second half of an instruction while doing the first. Some lose your voice in a busy room. Some do not hear the instruction clearly. No sign we hold has been shown to tell these apart.
- Working memory means holding something in mind while you use it. A child who loses a two-part instruction may follow a one-part instruction perfectly.
- What we see with families is that the instructions that change something name an action. You could film a child doing it.
- Notice how much one instruction asks a child to keep in mind.
- In our view, the first step is usually to work out what is hard. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first. Have hearing and vision checked.
When a direction does not get followed
A child who does not follow directions is not always refusing. Some lose the second half of an instruction while doing the first. Some lose your voice in a busy room. Some do not hear the instruction clearly. No sign we hold has been shown to tell these apart.
Some children hear every word when you are close. In a busy room, they lose your voice. That is not always tuning out. The voice they need is there. It may not stand out from the rest of the room.
One thing to notice is what changes when the room goes quiet.
Our page on processing difficulties has more.
Holding the second half
Working memory means holding something in mind while you use it. Following a two-part instruction is one example. Keeping a number in your head while you work with it is another. So is remembering the start of your own sentence. A child who loses a two-part instruction may follow a one-part instruction perfectly. Working memory is one of the jobs running at once. It is not the single thing that explains the rest.
We hold no study of whether splitting instructions builds working memory.
An instruction your child can act on
What we see with families is that the instructions that change something name an action. You could film a child doing it.
Notice how much one instruction asks a child to keep in mind.
What to check
In our view, the first step is usually to work out what is hard. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first.
Have hearing and vision checked.
Ask your child's doctor whether hearing has been checked recently.
What helps
Reduce the load while the skill is built. Write instructions down as well as saying them. Give one step at a time. Ask for a printed copy instead of copying from the board. None of that is cheating. Our position is that reducing the load does not stop the skill being built.
We hold no study that tests the steps on this page. That is a gap in what we hold, not a finding that they do not work.
When to ask for help
Each of these is a reason to ask for help on its own.
- Little change, even with steady practice and good teaching.
- Schoolwork well below what school expects.
- A teacher who raises a concern about learning.
- Extreme upset about schoolwork.
- Complete avoidance of school or learning.
- Hopelessness about learning.
- Sadness or worry that lasts.
- Significant delays in speech, language or motor development.
- A skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.
Start with the teacher. Say what you are seeing at home, and what you have tried. Beyond the teacher, the right person depends on what it turns out to be about. If the work is too hard, someone who works on that school skill. If worry or mood is the thing, someone who works with children's mental health. In our view, delays in speech, language or movement are worth raising with your child's doctor. In our view, if you are worried enough to ask, a professional evaluation is worth asking about.
Any talk of hurting themselves is a same-day call to your doctor or a crisis line.
In the classroom
A child who loses a two-part instruction may follow a one-part instruction perfectly. Split it into two single steps, and notice what changes.
Written steps let the child check rather than remember.
One sentence for an email home: "He loses track partway through a long instruction. He manages when I break it into single steps. So I am giving one step at a time and writing the steps down. I wanted you to know what I am seeing."
Key Takeaways
A child who does not follow directions is not always refusing. Some lose the second half of an instruction while doing the first. Some lose your voice in a busy room. Some do not hear the instruction clearly. No sign we hold has been shown to tell these apart.
What we see with families is that the instructions that change something name an action. You could film a child doing it.
Write instructions down as well as saying them. Give one step at a time. Our position is that reducing the load does not stop the skill being built.
In our view, the first step is usually to work out what is hard. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first. Have hearing and vision checked.
Pick one two-part instruction you give every evening. Give it in two halves. "Put your shoes by the door." Then, only after that: "Bring me your reading book." Change nothing else. Notice whether the second half gets done when the whole thing did not.
”What to do tonightWhat to use next
An overview of processing skills. Our work on each runs alongside reading, spelling or math instruction, not in place of it.
Listening practice, built to run alongside reading and spelling instruction, not in place of it. No study of this program exists, so nothing is claimed for it on reading, spelling, attention or social skills.
Common questions from parents
Why can't my child follow simple directions?
A child who does not follow directions is not always refusing. Some lose the second half of an instruction while doing the first. Some lose your voice in a busy room. Some do not hear the instruction clearly. No sign we hold has been shown to tell these apart. In our view, the first step is usually to work out what is hard. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first. Have hearing and vision checked.
My child seems to ignore me. Why?
A child who does not follow directions is not always refusing. Some children hear every word when you are close. In a busy room, they lose your voice. That is not always tuning out. The voice they need is there. It may not stand out from the rest of the room. One thing to notice is what changes when the room goes quiet.
How do I give directions my child can follow?
What we see with families is that the instructions that change something name an action. You could film a child doing it. Write instructions down as well as saying them. Give one step at a time. We hold no study that tests the steps on this page. That is a gap in what we hold, not a finding that they do not work. Our position is that reducing the load does not stop the skill being built.