Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation, Honestly

By Laura Lurns · Reviewed by Philip Weaver · Last reviewed 2026-10-02

What is the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation?

As we use the words, intrinsic motivation is doing something for its own sake. Extrinsic motivation is doing it for something else, like a reward or a grade.

In our view, a child can have both kinds at once.

Three needs, in one theory

One theory of motivation names three needs (Ryan and Deci, 2000). It calls them autonomy, competence and relatedness. In plain words, a person feels the work is their own. They feel themselves getting better. And they feel they belong. In this theory, a person's own drive grows when those needs are met. It is a framework, not a proven mechanism.

What studies found about game features

One review pooled studies of game features in learning (Sailer and Homner, 2020). It found gains in learning and in motivation. The motivation gains held up less well in the stricter studies.

One review mapped game features in learning onto those three needs (Huang and colleagues, 2023). In it, game features raised students' intrinsic motivation. They also raised a sense of ownership and of belonging. They did no more for a sense of getting better than learning without them. Some game features lowered it.

What working to please a parent feeds

One study followed 825 children in the US and China through grades 7 and 8 (Cheung and Pomerantz, 2012). The more involved the parents, the more children wanted to do well for them. That went with children managing their own learning, and through that, with grades. The links were small. The authors call this a kind of controlled motivation. It centers on avoiding guilt and winning approval. They expect it to matter less in younger children.

Cheung and Pomerantz warn that this motivation may also cause worry. They say this is more likely in children who have done poorly at school. For worry, ask a mental-health professional.

In our view, do not use your approval as a reward. Our position: keep your warmth the same, whatever the grade.

What about rewards?

What we see in practice is that a reward for homework often stops working after a while.

Our page on why motivation disappears covers what research found about rewards.

In our view, a reward can get a reluctant child started. We would not let it become the reason for the work.

Feeding the three needs at home

In our view, you can feed the same three needs without points. Give a real choice about how the work gets done. Keep an older page, and let your child see what has changed. Sit with them while they work. These steps are our own practice.

When to ask for help

Each of these is a reason to ask for help on its own.

• Little change, even with steady practice and good teaching.
• Schoolwork well below what school expects.
• A teacher who raises a concern about learning.
• Extreme upset about schoolwork.
• Complete avoidance of school or learning.
• Hopelessness about learning.
• Sadness or worry that lasts.
• Significant delays in speech, language or motor development.
• A skill that was there and has gone. Our position is that a lost skill goes to a doctor first, not a tutor.

If no skill has gone, start with the teacher. Say what you are seeing at home, and what you have tried. Beyond the teacher, the right person depends on what it turns out to be about. If the work is too hard, someone who works on that school skill. If worry or mood is the thing, someone who works with children's mental health. In our view, delays in speech, language or movement are worth raising with your child's doctor. In our view, if you are worried enough to ask, a professional evaluation is worth asking about.

Any talk of hurting themselves is a same-day call to your doctor or a crisis line.